Since we’re all feeling good about filing our income taxes in a couple of days, or getting extensions so we can file our taxes another day, I thought a little tax humor would be in order. This is a rerun, but as appropriate today as back then.
• Post Office just recalled their newest stamps: They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
• How are an apple and a I.R.S. agent alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.
• If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
• What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of I.R.S. agents do? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
• What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.
• What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents? Skeet.
• What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent? His co-workers.
• What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
• What's the difference between an overzealous tax auditor and a rottweiler? Answer: A rottweiler eventually lets go!
• Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves. The tax office is of the same opinion.
• Some people think the government owes them a living. The rest of us would gladly settle for a small tax refund.
• The income tax forms have been simplified beyond all understanding.
• It is difficult to predict the future of an economy in which it takes more brains to figure out the tax on our income than it does to earn it.
• There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
• A "slight tax increase" costs you about $300, while a "substantial tax cut" lowers your taxes by about $30.
Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from USA Today newspaper, wherein you will see the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.
Accordingly, I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (value: $2,400.00) and six (6) hammers (value: $1,029.00), bringing my total remitted to $3,429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund" as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending the candidate of your choice one (1) 1.5" Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.